Hearing; Then doing Something about it...

Now, I'm not normally open to share intimate details of my life with just anyone; but I just can't seem to shake my selfish desire to keep this hidden.

With that being said, there are going to be a lot of things that I touch on that will come as a surprise to some of you. That's OK though, surprises are good! Surprises from God, are life changing; so even better.

Dan and I have been in a wilderness type of place in our walk with God lately. Not the type that drives a wedge between us and God, but the type where you are thirsty in the desert and all you can do is dream, think, sleep, eat, imagine, and cry out for just the smallest sip of water. God has been our water. We have diligently sought him for what seems to be so long without an answer. But as he promises in John chapter 4. “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” I always thought that passage was for people who had no faith in God. Oh no, also for those of us with faith, whom He must teach to seek Him through dry spells as well.

Our dry spell has just hit the rainy season in Christ. We can't seem to be filled enough; and for that I am left utterly speechless. Surprised yet? Me too.

About 4 weeks ago we literally stumbled upon Pike Rd. Baptist Church Of course our frustration of being to 2 different churches just minutes before, finally brought us to the end of ourselves. We literally strolled into the parking lot within minutes of services starting with no prior plans to attend. What seemed normal at first glance quickly turned to a revelation that had brought our years of seeking a deeper walk with the Lord into fulfillment.

We have been seeking Gods will in all we do, in the little things; in the big things, and now it's been thrown in our faces more beautifully than my emotions can withstand.

I have always been a logical person. Putting the realism's of things before I allow my emotions to take over. But all that has been shattered as well. When we listen, and truly listen void of our own selfish desires a world opens up that we know nothing of. A glimpse of the heart of God is revealed, a glimpse so deep that even the most stable people will (me included) be brought to their knees.

At the humble direction of the pastor's wife, we have been studying passages in the bible, together as a group, to practice hearing what God has for us. Not as a whole but personally, individually; to walk according to his directing only and to "do something about it". I have been so accustomed to not hearing from the Holy Spirit I was a tad doubtful. But during our individual quite time as we ask God to reveal a personal revelation I decided to pray as Abraham did when he was pleading for the children of Israel. Abraham used, unchanging, characteristics of God in order to benefit from God's promises.

God tells us how to pray in the model prayer. I have had this prayer in my heart (memorized) since childhood. But only until recently did I truly grasp the format:

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
¹⁰ Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us this day our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
¹³ And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

We are to ask for His will to be done. Sometimes we understand and are grateful and

sometimes His will is beyond our understanding. Either way to see Him move in our life this

is what we must ask for.

And when we aren't seeing results...James chapter 4 explains why. "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures"

I was unsatisfied with trying to mesh my selfish lusts in and out of the things God wants. I decided to give Him my whole heart. Please don't get me wrong, I have been walking with Him for nearly 10 years but it has taken that long for me to desire the deeper things He has to offer.

Over the past 4 weeks God has been showing me things about myself I am not proud of. Funny thing is, I love that He showed me; revelations I have been previously afraid to see. I feel loosed from the bondages of myself that has held me back from handing over my heart to Him.

As I shared in class on Sunday morning to the other ladies, "I am NOT a crier, and if you told my husband I have cried every week since attending he would laugh."

Like I said earlier, since I changed my format of prayer and earnestly sought His will, God has faithfully revealed relevant issues that I have struggled with. The most revealing came this Sunday when we read out of Deuteronomy. What the Holy Spirit revealed to me was this:

"that you may live and multiply; and the LORD your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess. But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them,"

Every time I read this I know what I am to do. Since God used this as a direct message for me, I will have to reveal it's personal meaning.

God has said it's time for another child. For anyone who really knows me, they know that I can't make this stuff up. See, I have been fighting my husband on this subject for at least 2 years. Dan has been asking me for a child and I have come up with excuse after excuse why it's not right. Some of them selfish some of them legit, in the worlds view. I have even managed to convince him there is no need for another child. Shame on me.

Another sad but true fact is, God has been trying to tell me for years. But I have casts His attempts aside. Again, shame on me. But how grateful I am that he is more forgiving than I am.

I'm going to break down the passage as God showed it to me.

1. "That you may live and multiply" This struck me deep. This was His direct command to me. There was no arguing or wiggling my way out of this one. I felt relieved on one hand because deep down I do want another child. But frustrated on the other hand because my selfish desires keep me from wanting the same thing.

2. "and the LORD your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess" this was the most enlightening confirmation I could have received. Proof how well God knows our hearts. Coming from a large family, and I mean large, I have felt the more children we have the less quality of life we can provide. So it's mind boggling that directly after His command to me, came reassurance that He would provide. This took all those fears, that I had been clinging too, all away!

3. "But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them," Now comes the scary thought, as I saw it anyways. I can look back and see this passage had already come to fruition. My heart had been so hard on the subject of another child that I had been drawn away in a few different directions, that God is also working out of my heart.

The beautiful thing about all this; as long as we have breath in us, we have a second chance to wipe the slate clean and start fresh in the right direction. The key is this and this is the only key there is...We must truly desire what He wants void of our selfish, faithless fears. The scary part, four weeks ago, that's what I thought I was doing.

John 1:4 "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men"

I am so excited to see how soon I become pregnant. Just because God has commanded so (Abraham and Sarah had to wait over 40 years) doesn't mean I will see the results of His command right away. Gods time, is not our time. I am perfectly content waiting on Him, but in the meantime I am seeking names to name our child with the meaning "God has revealed", since that is what He has done for us.